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Deus Ex Machina
Deus Ex Machina was a parody Doctor Who fan film which was never completed or released due to fall outs within the production team/laziness. Plot Following his regeneration, The Doctor lands on Earth (again) where he encounters a Dalek, who forces him to put his Time Lord essence into a fob watch, making him human, in an attempt to steal the TARDIS. The next day, John Smith wakes up in a house, dazed and confused. It must've been a rough night. He goes downstairs to make a cup of tea, only to be interrupted by a mysterious phone call. He answers the phone, to be greeted by a man who refers to himself only as Mr.Carter. The mysterious man sounds just like his previous incarnation, and talks frequently of lost television episodes from the 1960's returning to the BBC archives. John Smith notices a strange, masked figure in his garden during the phone call, so immediately opens the window to tell them to "fuck off". Mr Carter hears the profanity over the phone, and assumes Smith is talking to him, so he threatens to snap his neck before hanging up. Smith, shocked at what has just happened, resumes his tea making. Seconds later, the phone rings again, and Mr Carter informs John that an announcement is planned for midnight, when the clock strikes twelve. John Smith then notices a door in his house. It's locked, and won't open, despite desperate attempts to knock it down. Strange and spooky music plays, implying that something sinister is on the other side of the door. He then goes to read a book, but the phone rings again. But this time, it's not Mr.Carter, and instead, John Barrowman's I Am What I Am plays through the phone. John Smith wonders what is going on. Several cups of tea later, there is a knock at the door, as a letter is posted through the letter box. A single piece of paper reading "Vote Barrowman", and the decapitated head of a Cyberman lie on the porch. The Cyberman reveals himself to be called "Terry", but refuses to tell John Smith who brought him here, as it is crucial to future events. The head tells Smith to run upstairs and open the envelope. Inside the envelope is a fob watch, containing the Time Lord essence. Terry reveals that Smith's life is a lie, and he is in fact a time traveler from Gallifrey who has been captured by the Daleks who want to use his time machine to alter past events. Suddenly, a Dalek teleports into the house, and begins firing its gun. John runs upstairs with Terry and the fobwatch. The Dalek can't get up the stairs because it is a Mark 3 Travel Machine, which is incapable of ascending stairs. The Dalek responds to this with an angry "FUUUUU". In an incredibly over-acted scene, John Smith opens the watch, and has flashbacks to all of his past lives in a scene consisting of about two minutes of fan-wank. John Smith is no more, and The Doctor is back. He then chooses an incredibly generic costume and finds a sonic screwdriver in a bathroom cupboard. Running downstairs, dodging the Dalek, and sonicing the locked door open, the true nature of the room is revealed - a crack in time is on the wall. But this crack is different, it's singing. John Barrowman's music is pouring out of the crack like liquid campness. Then The Doctor realises whose house he is in - John Barrowman's! The Daleks are using John Barrowman's house as a Time Lord prison, and Barrowman is trapped on a Dalek ship. The Doctor goes outside, he throws Terry to create a distraction, and is shot by a Dalek, but manages to get into his TARDIS to perform an important task that will save the universe and John Barrowman. He returns, wounded. The ambiguous task has apparently been performed as he seems confident. He explains that the Daleks have made two mistakes - Trapping him and shooting him. An epic speech is made, where The Doctor reveals that he is within the first 15 hours of his regeneration cycle, so he has enough residual cellular energy to repair the damage caused by the Dalek shot, but he can also use the powers of Deus Ex Machina to expel this energy towards the Dalek ship, destroying it, and freeing John Barrowman. The Daleks explain that John Barrowman somehow created the crack in time which made The Doctor realise that he needed saving. The Doctor then reveals that the plot is incredibly complicated and "wibbly wobbly", and it was in fact him that told Barrowman to create the cracks months before he was captured by the Daleks. Shocked, The Daleks explain that such a thing is impossible, and that it would take at least 100 men to persuade John Barrowman to do such a thing. It is then when The Doctor announces that they are right, and that there are "a lot of me". Then, we see all 100 Doctors flying past, and flashbacks of various incarnations knocking on John Barrowman's door telling him to create a crack in time. The Daleks can't believe that 100 incarnations of the Doctor are here - and then we see another TARDIS and a pair of eyes. "No sir! All 101!". Again, this is just fan wank. The Doctor then explodes with regeneration energy, and destroys the Dalek ship. The Daleks are dead and Barrowman is saved. Later, The Doctor is back to his normal self, unchanged. He realises that the plot is more wibbly wobbly than he expected, and that a future version of himself put Terry at the door. So he takes Terry, and travels back in time to when he was John Smith, and places him and a stolen fob watch at his door. Terry reveals that he is stuck in an infinite time loop, and he blames Steven Moffat for these complicated plots. Seemingly all is well, until The Doctor notices the strange figure he saw back in his kitchen. It's a Raston Warrior Robot. It shoots him for no apparent reason, and The Doctor begins to regenerate because the creator of the fan film couldn't be bothered to make a sequel.